apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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