i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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