After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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