U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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