i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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