So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
