Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
