I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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