Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
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Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
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You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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