Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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