I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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