Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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