mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
