I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
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It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
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I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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