My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
