Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
