Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
