If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
there is glitter all over my balls
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
