as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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