I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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