Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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