And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
