Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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