Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
