I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Im part way to drunk.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
