I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
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gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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