Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
