Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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