the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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