i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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