tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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