What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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