thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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