Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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