btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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