I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so that wasnt chicken after all
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
