even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
