____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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