I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
