I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
