Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
