u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
