he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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