I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
