Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
