My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
