what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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