Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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