Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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