You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
