Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
