I'm lost and stupid without you.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
and she was petting her beer can
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
