she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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