did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Come see our sink grown plant.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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