Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
