dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
