I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
