Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
