You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
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I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
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Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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