i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
