I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
