so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
