His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
