it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
