I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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