Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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