Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I AM VODKA MAN
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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