Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
