That's when you crack a 10am beer
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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